Saturday, February 1, 2014

Earth Mother

Hello again, dear Readers,

My my, it HAS been a spell since I last wrote.  This is partly due to being just as/even more fatigued than I have been in these past few months and thusly, I have been sleeping a LOT.  Must need it, as it feels so good.

I've been kinda down in the ole mojo again lately, partly because I really thought that once I recouped from this last prednisone wean, I would be enjoying less fatigue and more of ME again but alas, things don't always work out the way we'd like them to, do they?

The other part is due to this incredible out-of-synch-ness I have with my friends and fam across the pond.  I'm really only good to talk in the mornings here, when they are all snoozing deeply and by the time they rise, I am knackered and either on the heating pad trying to calm the spine pain or out cold.

Sometimes it all just gets to me, this time-zoned-out-ness and of course and the daily grind that is chronic illness--illness that no one really sees besides my dear P.  And the odd person on the street when I'm struggling.  And Tony.  Heheh...

On the up side, I have noted a marked decrease in those intense, stabbing random anywhere pains I have been dealing with for so long at each day's end.  This is MOST note worthy as wow, not only are they about a 9-10 on the screamin' pain scale, they frankly scare me, I cannot lie.  So those becoming fewer and farther between is simply wonderful.

To celebrate, today, I used my "spoons" on something else instead of power-walking El Bonero.
For the first blessed time in over a year, I returned to the organic/graphic drawing board and produced this, (just click on it to enlarge):
It's called Earth Mother and it's inspired by a) how strangely often the theme of elephants has been coming up in my life lately in photo and video form and b) a few weeks ago the tiny elephants returned to my dream world.  I was so happy to see them walking again, tales hooked on trunks, after not for I think, a couple of years. 

This all got me to researching them and I have since learned much.  A lot of it very saddening of course; like how horridly they have been treated for so long by us--as living bulldozers, circus and zoo prisoners or for sources of ivory--a situation that is STILL going on.  Then there is the tragedy of how their habitats are shrinking in size and quality--again: yay Earthlings.

So here is our Mother, with her largest, most sensitive and intelligent land dwellers, as they roam with limit now.
Also in the cauldron for this piece, is our beautiful Earth herself and how much kicking in the sides we've done in such little time, history of the world-wise.  It's just mind and soul-blowing to me and the older I get, the more it hurts.

Aaaaanywho, just wanted to share a small slice of my old artistic self.  This and my recent return to singing randomly, loudly and often are both beautiful signs of healing.

And I must always remind myself to be patient with this whole process.  After all, this disease was gnawing away at my vessels for some years before finally being arrested and it only makes sense that the recovery must take its share of time too.

Then there's the heavy drugs needed to keep the MPA beast in its cage and the toll they take on the host.  It's only natural that I'm gonna have some tough times with it all.

I'll likely be writing again soon as on Monday, it's monthly lab tests time again.  All digits crossed for some improved numbers as the last tests showed a quadruple level of red blood cells being passed in the ole urine.  Hoping hard to not be heading into kidney stone land again.  *takes the hint and a break to chug some water*.  ;)

Wishing you all well, comme d'hab, as the French say and a sweet weekend too.


: J


Fullmoondolphin said...

What a beautiful picture, Juanita. I'm glad that you've gotten back at that, and the bursts of song - they are good for your soul, and in turn are good for your whole being. It's understandable that this will all take time and will have its ups and downs, but it's also understandable that you will have some down-y moments with it all. It's hard to be *up* and positive all the time. I wish I could be there in person to give you some major hugs. It's incredible how far you have come, and how positive you have been, and will continue to be. Many people would have caved under all that you've been dealing with. You are truly an inspiration to many, my friend. You are allowed to feel down sometimes - that also results in its own kind of growth and healing. And sometimes it just feels damned good to wallow a bit. So yes, be patient with the process, and most importantly, with yourself. You're incredible, darling, and have come so far - it's amazing. I hope that this next round of tests come back with great results, and that all of this sleep helps to bring more healing. Much love to you, from moi! (((HUGS)))

Love, Pamoon

Juanita Grande said...



Hope the day find you enjoying it, Friend and biiiihugs back, thanks.

et mmmmwwwaaahhhh!

: J

Jude said...

Everything that my sister said, I'm thinking too!

Except for the fact about your art, which I never knew about. And wow that is beautiful and has a lot of attraction for this chick.... mother earth, elephants (I love ellies!!) and the sunflower, which is the "spiritual" flower and my favourite. :-)

*I* would have caved by now, as Pammie was talking about, you are my hero for getting though all of this like you have. It stands to reason that as a human being you are going to have down times emotionally with all the down times physically you have endured.

My BIGGEST hugs to you Miss J.


Juanita Grande said...

Thanks so much, Jude...

And to think, it's because of this crazy illness that I met you. :)

It has, in all honesty, brought some of the best things I have ever known into my life. Sweet peas like you and your sis make it all easier to handle.

(((hugs 'n thanks again for all your comments and support over this bumpy year, mon amie))),

: J

Fullmoondolphin said...

Awwwwwwww. ((((HUGS)))) again! And mmmmmmwwwaaahhh to you as well! :) The day was enjoyable, and it sounds like you had some extra energy going on - YAY! I hope you got some good sleep again, and that this morning is lovely and very good to you. Enjoy your day, mon amie!

Love, Pamoon

Juanita Grande said...

Thanks, dear Pamooooooon, :)

You are spot on with your wishes: the day is a blue bird skied one, I'm feeling fine after a big and energetic pooch walk with T and now I'm slow roasting a pan of caramelized-to-be onions for what will be I think one HELL of a great pasta dish with fish. AND A LIL WINE TOOOOO!

Bon Dimanche, mon chere amie,

: J

Nina said...

Hi Juanita! ^_^
It's beautiful read you again. Animals in dreams are special visitors, they can heal a hurted soul and elephants are magnificent, beautiful, wise. To me there's no better portrayal of real strenght: calm, wise, patient and powerful. Be an elephant, Juanita. Feel your strength through your body the same way. Kisses :* :* :*

P said...

It was a delight to see you drawing again ma belle, and with such marvelous results... makes me think springtime is coming! :)

Juanita Grande said...

I will be an ele, Nina and thanks so much for you comments here today. Hope all is well in your Italian world there... :*

And P, yes, drawing felt very good in the soul--a bit hard on the hand after being on the bench for so long but so worth it. I'm glad you like my Earth Mawwwma....

: J

jillian said...

Beautiful post! Keep up your blog. I am thinking of starting one for Vasculitis (Wegener's) and food.

Juanita Grande said...

Thanks Jillian and best with the new blog project! The more awareness about this stuff, the better.

AND ABOUT FOOD? Sounds like a win-win to me.

take good care,

: J