Hell or Highwater, Grand(e)

 

AND I’M HOOOOOOOOME!!!

And I’m mending and slowwwwwwwly bouncing back.

Yesterday's BP reading shows it, too; a far cry from 160/100 just days ago at the hellspital:

 

I’m sending out more thanks from the depths and widths of my heart, to every old friend and new out there, who helped make this trip to the blessed, horrid, freaky, beautiful, hateful, love-filled, life-saving hospital so successful.

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN.  THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE.

And bless all the sweet nurses, orderlies, interns, docs and cleaning ladies--they surely know who they are already, but those kinds of humans BEING deserve to be thanked in writing too, so RE-THANK YOU ALL.

Thanks even the to sadistic basement technicians, who performed the un-anesthetized and un-medicated colon biopsy—WHILE my colon was infected and inflamed.  YYYYUP—even you mofos—‘cause after that screamin' pavarottic assault—THAT particular migraine at least—was gone!

Sure showed THAT nurse, who before the procedure, I had warned that I had a migraine—you know, just to let them know the patient would be, kinnnnnda sensitive—to which she curtly replied, “Madame, you are NOT here for a migraine treatment.”

 

Ahem...   😳

And for those less prose-prone, some facts: the time proceeding the hospitalization went kind of like this: a month+ of strange diarrhea and 8 months preggo bloating that came and went a came again, but then came on strong for about two weeks and then REALLY PEAKED with REALLY LOUD knifing pain and weakness and elevated heart rate and mild sporadic fevers for too many days followed by a panicky early morning ER trip. 

A day or so later, after being the squeakiest wheel ever to my nephrologist and a fruitless GP app, the neph finally sent me to the nephrology ward for observation, (had to wait 'cause no beds were available).

 

THANKFULLY.

'Cause that revealed: major dehydration due to the prolonged diarrhea, acute renal failure, a colon infection, gut flora that had leaked from there into the blood, then came a major and scary allergic reaction to the antibiotics that treated all that, ignored for the first two unreal painful rounds by the night nurses--all interlaced with severe migraines which, due to the kidneys, can't be treated by anti-inflammatories or paracetamol.  Opiates and opioids are out, as they provoke whaaaat?  Severe migraines!!!  (You can actually hear the gong echoing...) 

 

Add in a surreal dash of unbelievably checked OUT night nurses ignoring call buttons for hours on end, while enjoying a weekend smoke-fest unchecked, in a %*#!! nephrology ward, resulting in MUCH pain and zero sleep on multiple nights and, well, I was one hot mess apres all that.

Nerd sidebar:  This infection is essentially due to continued immune system suppression with certain b-lymphocytes still at  ZERO, even though I have been off the treatment that killed them (Rituximab), for seven years.  That is a medical anomaly unto itself.

Aaaanyway, signing off now, onward and ever upward.

And MAN, am I ever looking forward to being back in my wee forest with the black Mandingo again.  I’ll leave this picture of our last time there, which was on my b-day—both for vous, and as a carrot for me.

 

 

as always, +++vibes,

SOOOO GLAD TO HAVE HIM BACK!!! 

J

 

 

 

#%!#@*?&$!!!!!

Yeah, use whatever curse words you may default to.

Hiiiiiiiii...

So, it's been one helluva Spring for this ole meat mobile, starting with finding a second, more seasoned and more intelligent neurologist a while back, whom I saw for the first time in March.

She, thank the stars, speaks actual English and after taking in my medical shituation and current pain-management regime, came to the quick 'n dirty conclusion that my mounting monstrous migraines were due to either the regular tramadol use, the paracetamol use, or both.  Both are apparently known catalysts for us migraineurs.

Amazing how none of my other specialists never mentioned that.  Yes, they mentioned "rebound headaches", which in my mind meant, "small", and meant a small price to pay for a bit of daily competence, but it just never connected--that those drugs were actually causing the migraines to simply take OVER--enough to change the actual blood chemistry, due to all the cyclic bile-vomit-a-thons.

So, what did the new neuro recommend?  "QUIT ALL PAIN KILLERS."

*dead air*

And not just for a while, but permanently.

Along with THAT slice of hell, she also prescribed as a migraine prophylaxis: anti-convulsant and anti-seizure meds; as the migraines also were messing royally with my motor functions on days following major attacks.

What she DIDN'T say was "Taper down" off the tramadol, so cold turkey into it I went and, just, WOW.  I haven't tasted black water like that since trying to taper off dreadnisone, in body and spirit.  Just---WOW.

Perhaps she didn't suggest tapering due to the mini-dose I was on?  (37.5mg tramadol mixed with 300mg paracetamol and only once a day.)   But still, after taking the stuff on the regular for near four years, I learned in no time that indeed, this lil body had become dependent enough to chuck me into the depths of withdrawal hell--for over a month, only to be soon tagged with the damned flu--still getting over that.  (Yay, thyme tea.)

But thankfully, that nauseous/gut-grind-fest, torture-wrack, everyday-a-new-funeral kinda grimness phase of the withdrawal, is finally over and I'm now left with the raw reality of arthritis in my vertebrae, disc degeneration and a sporatic sciatic circus.

I see the new neuro again soon and I'll surely be asking about why she didn't suggest a taper of sorts, (along with a whole bunch of other Q's).

Now, for some GOOD DAMNED NEWS ALREADY EH?!?  Seems that being off the opioids, or the paracetamol, or on the other new preventative-drugs, is having a positive affect on the migraines, which are no longer every damned day, nor as severe and YAAAHOOOOOO!

I've had a couple bangers since starting this new regime, but no puke-fests, thanks in no small way to a certain blessed herb and that THAT IS GOLDEN.

That dear green dame I'm certain, helped me through this whole withdrawal ordeal and I can never thank her enough.  But will again here as not only did it get me to eat and stopped the gut-grind, it helped me quite simply, BE during that dust storm.

So yes, that's been the last two months for ole moi.

And that's why I have been lying so incredibly low online, on the phone, in spirit and in body.  Low, but with with the highest of fives to this lil black angel of mine, who was there every damn time I fell into a heap of What the hell is going ON?!?!??!   He always seems to notice the moment a tear rolls out and it just blows my heart away and I thank you, dear Dino, I THANK YOU.

His sweet healing arse in action:

So, yesss, my days now are even shorter than they were before, when I'd get a juicy slice of liberte' each day, thanks to the only painkillers the kidneys allowed.

Now, usually by 11 am, post-sacred Church of Dog, I'm laid out flat, already in broke-back-ice-pack mode on the sofa, feet on heater.

Thankfully, I'm a curious Georgette about a LOT of different realms and love listening to lectures and interviews about science and spirit and health and human history and... Seems I picked a real good age to be in this physiological-pickle, with such wonderful access to so much knowledge literally at my fingertips and from any position.

And still, hope springs infernal.  Even though the rheumy now says I'm NOT eligible for spinal cortisone shots, ffs, I still have faith in future of pain management; maybe stem cells to the rescue?  Maybe hypnosis?  Electricity?  Kidney-kind entheogens or micro-doses of?

On another upside, I've become pretty good at self-massage and pressure points and yogic-yoinging some back pain away, sometimes yarding it into downright pleasure for a half hour or so and bully for me and my sacrum.

Also upside-ish: before the fan really started flinging, I managed to squirt out another painting, all sparkly in the right light and I call her, "Smart, Too" in acrylics on paper, 40x50cm, currently hanging by the sofa watching over me.

Also of note: I'm glad to share that I'm still "allowed" to take tramadol (tram only now) for exceptional cases like dental visits or plane trips etc., so there's that and paracetamol's still permitted for fevers but I'm honestly still trying HARD to get the hang of this new and even more limited life "style".

Oh yeah, and no more voice-overs out-of-house.  The migraines made that a no-go and the back is keeping it that way.

Good thing we have an in-home studio though, as a new Dragon & Rosebud haunted-music box waltz is coming soon too.

Gonna close now, with thanks to those out there still keeping track of this show.  Makes the catch ups on the phone with pals a LOT easier/more fun, not needing to talk so damn much about all this madness and instead, about flowers and neanderthals and space and shit.

With special thanks and extra love to my dear 'n distant folks, who have been even more appreciated during these unrenderably dark times of getting off the hellishly helpful opioids.

Ice-ice time, babies...

++++vibes,

J

Prophylactic Experiment OVER

And in more ways than one.

So here I sit by a raging and necessary fire after a morning of the neurologist who three months ago, prescribed a daily mini-dose of amitriptyline against the migraines.

Long story short, didn't work and I experienced the same number of migraine dragon puke-fests as usual.

So I'm gonna titer on down the road off that stuff over the next couple weeks.  And with pleasure, one less med is always welcomed.

And a longer, more animated/embarrassing/unbelievably frustrating story shorter--after much useless tissued time with said neuro, (who was sporting the bedside manner of a sea urchin), it was revealed that due to the kidneys, my options for prophylactic treatment are now exhausted.

Dead air.

Save for the TENS machine on the head approach, (Celafy), which she seemed to have zero faith, (intere$t?/whooooo knows), in pursuing,  even as an acute treatment option, ffs.

So I left, flaccid and shocked outta hope and slowly made my way back home to this dear Dingo here, now at my side diggin' the hearth--whose English is surely better than that neuro's.  (Unless listing, "Francais et Anglais", on her site means that she has both of those words' definitions down PAT.)

And dammit, I really thought that I was at the beginning of a new treatment path, not at the end.

Not so fast???

She also provided some other acute treatment prescriptions which I'm not looking forward to trying.

Yet am.

And as we discussed last time, here's to hypnotism for all the varied pains being actually effective.

Now to find a practitioner who preferably speaks  at least most of English.

AND kicks brain-ass.

With wisdom.

And sensitivity.

And tenacity.

And, I think I want JUNG!

But before that, I'm gonna barf out a new painting.  I've seen it and I can feel it welling and I know it will help, at least with the view.

+++vibes, with extra's for a sweet and savory 2019 for us all,

J

Anti-depressants to the Rescue

Greetings once again, 

From a cranium that for almost ONE WHOLE MONTH, has been spared:

-the unrelenting melon-vice
-the stabbing knives/guitar strings shoved into the ears
-the sunburnt scalp and painful hair
-the unreal intense cyclic-vomiting (of bile, leading to electrolyte imbalances)

Yes, friends out there, Season's Greetings, from a body that has been so thankfully free of:

-the extreme weakness in all muscles, (enough to make me winded after just a few meters)
-the vertigo
-the impaired/garbled speech
-the total disruption of the digestion system
-the gunshots of everyday noises and the retina-searing of every day light

And this is all because of an ole-skool tricyclic antidepressant called Amitriptyline. It was discovered to also be useful in treating migraines and chronic pain, in low doses.

I've been on this end-of-tunnel light as a migraine-prophylactic since October 2nd and for the first time in many excruciating years, I have been migraine-free for three+ weeks!

Still can't believe it.

Still kinda drunk on the thought of no more regular torture sessions.

Still experiencing many of the visual disturbances that have become normal since the big crash in '13, but they no longer seem to signal a cranial assault on the horizon and---just------YAY!

WHY THEEEE HELLLLLLL DIDN'T I SEE A NEUROLOGIST SOONER????

Because I just trusted my docs and their acute-treatment methods.

And because it's just incredible what we can get accustomed to over time.

And with this bit of promise, I shall soon head out into the rainy day to get this lil licorice stick walked.

With thanks to this lil puppy too, for all the times he lay beside me in the dark as I shuttered and weeped through the seemingly endless hours of impossible hurt.

Hope this entry serves as some major hope for anyone else out there living through all too regular bouts of migraine hell.

Just in time for Christmas, too, heheh...

Have a good one, All.

as always, ++++++vibes,

: J

Golden Oils, Black Lightning Bolts

And holy free holies, I haven't made a post in here since LAST YEAR.

And much has happened, from new paintings to experimentation in new, (to France), pain killing methods, to a new beautiful rescue pooch named Nino--renamed Dino, who has been raising hell and lowering BP's since February.

He is from Reunion Island, (near Madagascar where strays are a huge problem) and when he barrel-assed into our home at 4 months of age, he had already lived with multiple foster families--added to that he was born on the street and remained there for some time before being saved by the association: http://www.revesdechiens.fr for those sweet ani-hearts interested).

Here's the clever mid-sized black Dingo with moi just the other day, following his maiden voyage into river waters:

For a dude with webbed feed, he sure ain't keen to get 'em wet.

So there's one new awesome-tacular thing.

Then there is the interesting CBD experimentation as of late--with high hopes of it actually, juan day, taking the place of tramadol.  Here is info for those not yet privy to the powers of cannabinoids.

After trying it in varying doses (minumum 1000mg CDB/mL, to 2400mg), both sublingually and via oral capsules, I quickly ascertained that my particular pain needs make the required dose, (150mg minimum for 2+ hours max of relief), just not economically viable.

(There is no medical cannabis in France and the CBD oil component of the plant only recently became available here.)

But all is not lost, as yesterday I discovered what I HOPE will be a more potent and much more bioavailable form of CBD than what I have tried so far and if it does indeed kick the pain-ass it's touted to, I will certainly be back here blogging about it.

In art news, I managed to crank out a few since last writing as well as make some international sales of prints of them, with high-fives again to the clients.

This is a wee one in acrylic at 20x20cm on canvas board called, "478":

I still can't BELIEVE I actually managed to paint this not a month after Dino arrived.

Now onto MPA & CKD news: I'm super-pleased to share that all is STILL stable, five crazy years post-crisis and hospitalization.

Somehow, the immunosuppressive effects of the last infusion of Rituximab are still at 100%, with this lil bod showing zero CD19 cells.

I've discussed this a bit with my Professor and he said that there are a pocket of patients like this and it's not understood why.

In other news, I've also been keepin' busy with a mineral gemstone bracelet biz I called, "WRISTWORLD".
This is one of my fav's, in 8mm Garnet and 925 Silver:

So voila, time to wrap this up with hopefully, a new post coming soon singing the praises of this "bioactive" CBD paste.

So far, the company is already on the plus side with:

-a smooth-running site

-tres responsible cultivation and extraction practices, (eg: they only use the tops of their plants)

-excellent customer service, (I had a very positive one-on-on exchange with one of the owners)

'Til next time, +++vibes,

: J

I Ruled...

...at being a possible catalyst for migraines, that is.

Season's Greetings, All,

A lil of the lately:  I've gone from November 28 until today, December 16 sans-tram, (using only paracetamol as a poor pinch-hitter), and I STILL ended up having, not only multi-day pretty harsh headaches, but three official migraines as well.  

Basically, how it is when I take tramadol 4-ish days per week.

I just really wanted to be sure about the stuff in relation to my migraines and I'm actually damned glad that I need not rule it outta my pain-control tool belt.

I'm also glam dad, (lil migraine humor there), to not only have gleaned that tram is NOT to blame for these insane cross-cranial/corporal assaults, but also, that after these years of regular use, I am NOT dependent on the stuff; as I went through no typical signs of withdrawal while off it.

Nice to have that confirmed.

And yay too, in that my scant style of using tramadol (just one daily dose of 37.5mg), is working for avoiding dependancy.

(My R/x is for it is at a much higher dose, "up to 4, 37.5mg doses/day".)

In other related brain-pain news, since that last post about the fireplace being a possible migraine trigger, we have enjoyed a few blazes at the hearth, migraine-free apres.

Much to celebrate indeed actually.

Even more goodness is that a new and groovin' teeeune is well on its way to fini, this one heavily acoustic-guitar driven and I'll share it here when ready.

On that note and considering the date, I close with extra-warm wishes to all of vous out there who continue to pop in here now and then.  

Cheers and let us all rock 2018 like hurricanes.

+++vibes,

: J

I'll teach you to burn!

Yesssss, lesson bloody-well learned as this morning, after being migraine-free for a blessed and astounding month+, I woke with a doozy and was dragon-puking in no time.

That was some hours ago and Tony has finally gotten his daily bread/meds 'cause I crashed hard after taking the triptan--which never works fast enough and always seems to knock me out.

So, this lesson--this warm, soothing, glowing lesson I ingested for most of yesterday, (left), he's cute, isn't he?

My lil fireman...

This is the second time (which I've noticed), that a harsh migraine has followed a fire day.

MmmmmmHMMMMMmm! [A la Florence from the Jeffersons.]

So, while this new likely knowledge is indeed likely power, it's with a sad soul that I likely bid farewell to future fires never to flicker.

And also on the subject of the burn, I coughed some this morning--as is the tradition post volcano-barf and noted the sputum was, greyish.

Reminded me of my ole chimney-sweepin' days.

MmmmmmHMMMmmmm!

On another migraine-trigger note: As I said, I've been migraine-free for quite a spell 'til today.  I think that's in direct relation to my cutting out alcohol on days when I take tramadol.  It seems that those days, all too often are followed by migraines.

(My R/x is quite mini, in the form of a tramadol/paracetamol combo of 37.5mgs/300mgs, 1/day.)

In regards to that booze-tram mix, over this past year I've been trying to take the tramadol less and less, making it as effective as possible when I do take it.

In the past, when on holidays and tramming daily, I've had minimal migraine issues--and holidays up 'til now at least, have meant a glass o' wine a day on average.

So what I see is: that unless I take tram regularly, I will likely have to deal with migraines following winey/trammy lunches--even if it's just a measeley glass and a half, ffs.

Or not drink at all on those occasions.

Or try paracetamol only on those periodic lunches out.

DAMMIT, JIMS, this knowledge biz is maaaaaaddening!!!

But if it helps anyone else out there dealing with the apparent mystery-hell of migraines, I gotsta share.  (One in ten suffer from migraines out there, btw.)

And if on the next fire day, ('cause I just know I'll get freaky-cold enough to crack), a migraine follows, I'll note it here.

And then have a mental funeral pyre for the fire itself.

+++vibes to you All,

: J

Gluten-free/Lo-Carb 'Za

Greetings, Readers and Nibblers,

Just wanted to share my positive experience with the increasingly popular, (among lo-carbers and gluten-freeers), cauliflower pizza crust.

Been a-juanderin' how good it might be for a while and last week, I gave it a whirl:

While a different experience from traditional za--and how could it not be--it turned out damned delectable.

P even enjoyed it and that's sayin' suMm.

It had crunch, chew and surprisingly not much of a cauliflower flavor either.

And it's pretty easy to make happen, especially if you use a food processor.

I did the grating a la main and while a bit of work, always a satisfying affair--to me.




Here's how it goes:

1. Preheat the oven to bake, (mine was around 185C).

2. While that's warming, grate a few cups of cauliflower, being sure to pick out any too-big chunks.

3. Mix the grated cauliflower with about a couple cups of grated mozzarella, (the dry type, but I used Emmental, due to the lower sodium content), two eggs and mix it up good.

4. Spread that out on parchment paper as thinly as possible sans-any gaps and bake for about 20 minutes 'til golden brown.

5. Take it out and spoon on and spread out some tomato sauce of choice--homemade always the best one, but if not in the cards, try to find the most healthfully made one.  SO MANY ready made sauces are loaded up good with glucose syrup.

6. Top with some oregano and any other Italian type spices you fancy, more cheese, parmesan and toppings of choice.  At the time, I only had tomatoes around but for the carnivores, thin-sliced chorizo would rock.  

7. Bake again and dig in.

Now I'm hungry, what better time to hit the market!  Not.  ;)

++++vibes,

: J

Scar Trek

Wow,

Can't believe I haven't posted in here since March.

Likely has a lot to do with getting a slice of the flu (only a slice, thanks to the flu-vaccination), at that time and the insane coughing and sinus swelling that have been stealing my dear z's since.

One not-on-line factor has been a successful trip to the Rocky Mountains and back last month to see much-missed family and friends again.

Some dear ole pals drove some LONG miles just to see my ole arse again and again, I raise my morning joe to you all--and to those who wanted to, but just couldn't.

"Successful trip" meaning, I made it there and I made it back, needing this time, to break up the flights into 4; Paris to Montreal and the next day, from there to the Rockies.

And wow, did the time zone changes take a toll this go round.  There were multiple migraines, notable GI woes, unbelievably amped up coughing that lead to major muscle spasms and even more sinus balloning.

My nose is officially no longer a friend of the desert-like dryness over there.

And all the while trying to keep the damned tramadol use to a minimum.

I have been back in France with my Sweet P now for 6 days and only over the last 36 hours have I regained the ability to walk more than a meter or two without having to stop, winded--and with heavy and hurting thighs.

Which is nothing new.  That kind of trouble has followed travel many times since this new patient life began due no doubt, to the efforts and stresses of airports and luggage-lugging and well, simply not in being bed by my usual 7 or 8pm, so I'm not freaking out.

But I am burned out and slowly recovering from it all.

Slowwwwwwwwwly.

In other news, in an effort to stop this ongoing cirque du shnoz and nightly cough-a-thon, on June fourth, I switched from the usual BP med, (ACE inhibitor called Ramipril), to the other renal-assist BP med, an ARB, Irbesartan.

(Ramipril for many, causes quality-of-life-threathening coughing problems.)


I also saw an ear/nose/throat doc yesterday for the equally troublesome Rhinitis that just did not leave after that flu cleared up, and he prescribed the usual steroid regime,  (Beclomethasone spray); assuring me that the treatment remains local and would not get absorbed into the blood stream.

Got the ok from the prof as well to take it so I started this morning.


The ENT doc also checked out my vocal chords, glands, throat, ears and thankfully, the only problems he found was the sinus inflammation.


After the fair shake of 3 months of the naturo-approach: thyme teas, Manuka honey, neti pots and rosemary steams, etc., it's clearly high time for some stronger amo.

Apparently, the spray takes a few days to take effect.  I'm to stay on it for 2 months and looking forward to these ripped up coughing muscles finally getting a break.

Back to this less-on-line-ness these days.

While in supa-natural Western Canada, I took a conscious break from all social media and it felt GOOD.

The more I was off of fessbook and friends, the more I truly FELT just what a colossal waste of time and chi those feeds/"force-feeding tubes" are.

Not even touching on the psychological effects of bearing (false) witness to the constant virture-signalling and consumeristic displaying that clogs up said feeds.

Now that I've been back in the French saddle for a while, all signs continue to point to no-social-media-GO, so nothing personal, to the actual pals using facebook noting my lack of participation as of late.

I of course check in now and then for personal messages, or to share creations, but that is it.


(On that note: new rather enjoyable near carb-free recipe test coming soon.)

I shall close with multiple cosmic-high-fives to every sweet soul out there who, during my treks to and across Canada, showed me some delicious kindness.  Those select saints will likely never know how nourishing their mindfulness was for me as I slowly crept from gate to gate in airports, stood at a 90 in line-ups in spine-fire in my blue-blocking specs as the eyes got smaller and smaller in the cranium vice.

Even wrote a poem about two in particular, a couple of lovely young Mexican bucks who for hours, physically guarded my precious bench every time I needed loo breaks.  That bench was mana where I so gratefully was able to be horizontal before fiiiiinally taking that last, long night flight back to Paris.

Back to blessed sea-level said my veins.

I must say, for May being Vasculitis Awareness Month, I no doubt made at least a few people out there quite aware of the ferocity of the MPA beast and its claw marks.


Now, time for a hot bath and hopefully after, a micro stroll, (or more, I hope, legs-willing), with my dear ole therapy dog, Tony--who is also not as fast on his feet anymore at over 13 Labby years old now and bless him.

Thanks for reading.


++++vibes,

J

"Dig If You Will", a Portrait.

Hey, All, (especially the Prince fans),

This morning, after a night of his, "Diamonds  and Pearls" as the sound track for all my crazy dreams, I power- (Generation, haha), watched a few interviews and a posthumous special on the mini musical mage and it made me realise that I hadn't shared the portrait I made of him recently.

(An ornery chest cold has been an extra drain on the chi.)

So here it is, called, "Dig If You Will", in acrylics on canvas board, 30x40cm:

Hearing again about all the pain (both hips pretty totalled and should have been replaced, apparently), he had been in for too many years; trying to control it with opioids, strengthens my staunchness more to endure mine without those highly effective, but as he sadly proved, lethal drugs.

It would be surely grand to be spared this grind by taking tramadol daily and more than just the sliver of a dose that I do, but I know, ("I know, I know, I know"), that the more I can learn to handle this fire in the spine and the aching hips and pinched up nerves etc., (even if it means being horizontal for most of the day),  the more likely I'll get to enjoy this big world longer.

Hopefully longer than Prince did, even.

Too bad he never saw the green light that for so many, is medical cannabis.

I have no doubt that I'm still here at least in part, thanks to it. 

Here's to ALL of Europe sooner than bloody later, FINALLY making it available to the many people out there who really need it.

'Cause if the opioids don't kill all of ya, they'll surely kill your liver.

Another reason why I take only 37.5mgs of tram a day and usually, only 3 days out of the week.

After a few years on that scantily clad drug regime now, all systems are still go and with no dependancy issues either, thankfully.

PRINCE, if you can feel this, THANK YOU, AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN.  

And if u can c this painting, I hope you dig it.

Now, time to hit the yoga mat and fortify this core some more.

+++vibes, with extra ones to anyone out there living with just too much damned pain,

J

PS: For those interested, this piece is available for purchase as a print.  I'm still not sure if the original will be up for sale eventually or not.

New Leaves

Hello again, Readers,

I think it's high time for a bullet list of all the improvements I have noted, especially now that it's been one year exactly, off prednisone.

These improvments could also be the result of--results, referring there to my ANCA test results, which for 3 conseutive blood testings, (since August), have been a mind and body-hugging negative.  (ANCA testing, for those wondering is how docs, along with signs and symptoms, determine the disease activity of MPA.)

So yeah, over this passed year I have been enjoying the hell out of an official return to painting and graphic art, to songwriting and music production and for a month+ now, even a return to out-of-house studio voice-over work, (mornings only).

That's a whole lotta goodness.

I have noted too over this past year, that on the days I take zee painkillers, (the one that works, being a combo of low dose tramadol + paracetamol), the hours I do have are FAR more productive than they were a couple years ago.

Sure, I'm still often asleep by 8pm or earlier, getting more migraines more violently than ever, (the pred was surely masking that condition too) but here is a list of the harsh stuff that for a few years, became the daily grind, that are no longer:

-random 10-scale stabbing, repeating pains virtually anywhere, MANY times per day.  (Enough to cause vocalization and part of the reason for my not returning to studio life sooner.)


-notable but "normal" headaches almost daily

-ice pick headaches

-certain skin problems

-extreme muscle weakness

-muscle cramping

-arthritic-like hand pain

-knee pain and fragility, (I no longer need knee braces while out walking Bone.)

-major power naps in the afternoons

And these days, I am seeing FAR fewer episodes of what I can only call grimness--deep black and viscous.  AKA depression.  And when those clouds do roll in now, they hang around for much less time.  I am certain that prednisone and the deadened adrenals it caused were quite involved in those numerous bouts of BS over the course of the treatment.

Et voila, all in all, those are some tasty improvments.

And on the subject of tasty, since being off pred I have also loosened the leash on the diet and have been enjoying the hell out of chocolate now and then, baguette and pain au chocolate too, (a weakness I sorely missed during those treatment years), as well as other muses of bouche.

I recently learned painfully, that still, I must not eat saturated fats en masse, as after some yummo tempura'd tuna in a resto a few weeks ago, I paid a mighty price in full torso colicy cramping that went on for way too many hours once the food hit the intestines and whoa.

Living and learning.

And on that note, back to my online Stanford lecture, whilst I put some finishing touches on a new Prince portrait I've been birthing.

From me and my new leafy self, wishing you all ++++vibes,

: J

A few months/a few years, potato/potahhtohhh:

Greetings Readers new and old,

It has been the longest blog-break ever methinks and it's due to a few things--some good and some great.

I'll start off while my nose-tip is still frosty, from the long-ish jaunt back from where?  From the recording studio where I worked so often before the big renal shut down!

Yes, folks at home, I am fizzy with delight to be sharing that I am now officially, back in the voice-acting saddle! Since returning to my favo lil production house in town a couple weeks ago, I have already done three spots, with likely another one on la menu for next week.

I'm still only in proper working order in the mornings and it's great that the studio is working with my somewhat limited availablity.

Back in February '13, I had contacted them saying that I would likely be offline for "a few months". Mmmmmhmmmmm, THAT turned out to be FOUR YEARS and whoa.  It's downright gob-smacking to see that written down.

Talk about the long game.

But so worth it and I hope that that gives hope to the folks out there who, due to any long-term illness/treatment/damages, find themselves wondering if they'll EVER feel good and strong enough to work again.

Bless time.

And patience.

And medical science and technology.

And meditation.

And not only have I finally returned to out-of-house studio work, I have also been back full force at the painting, pastelling and graphic arting!  Since August I have produced a number of new works, with more in the hopper as I type.

Here's a lil sample of the latest, I call it, "Young Madge in Bath", (oil pastels + graphic).

ANNNNND: another vault tune I wrote back in 2000 is also ready!  I'm currently working on some visuals for the video and so long as I don't go too deep in those waters, the song should be let outta the barn shortly.  It's a funky lil number and I enjoyed thoroughly getting back on the electric guitar for this one.

In other health news, since that last blog post, I've had a number of actupunture sessions.  That was my first experience with that and while I noted a slight increase in chi on the actual days of the treatments, I honestly didn't feel much improvement overall and so I don't think I will be returning, relaxing as it was with my sweet lil Vietnamese Dr.

Next on the possible-de-paining to-do list is physio, which I will start as soon as I poke around for the best possible practitioner for my spiney shituation.

So voila.  VOILA-ISSIMO, I'd say.

Actually, not quite.  I have something kinda silly to share, something about what I used to think was involved in acupuncture.  I actually used to think, (light term-usage there), that those hair-thin needles were like, half a foot long and that they were inserted into actual organs.

I know: WtfH?!?!?  Granted, this was in my youth but still, talk about bolding and underlining that "you-me-ass-assume" meme.

😶

Now time to get horizontal for a while.

So far, I'm quite diggin' this 2017 thing.

Hope it's the best one yet for us all.

+++vibes,

: J

Dr. House, to the Inconclusive Room, Please

Hey, All,

So, it's been a while and that while, has been a whirl.

Since I last wrote, there have been not one, but 2 MRI's and another meeting with the prescribing bone specialist of those, the 14 x-rays and the array of blood tests.

I'll start positive, with the MPA-related GEM, as I have not seen this reading since June '13.

The reading?  A NEGATIVE ANCA titer!   (These are the blood tests used to monitor MPA activity.)

This is a beautiful thing and I'm still rather floored by it.

That typed, and to quote the Professor, "one can still have Vasculitis symptoms with a negative blood titer."

This new, lovely low, coupled with the stability of the kidneys, is a real good thing, MPA-wise.

Hoping hard that ye ole GFR continues to head back towards the 40's again.

Now, onto the many apparently non-MPA-related issues:

As mentioned in my last blog,  all of the recent bloodwork came back wonderfully normal, (aside from the usual, kidney-related never-normal levels, along with still too high uric acid and one other odd reading.)

I was tested right down to the HLA-B27 level, (a protein in the genes found in 80-90% of patients with certain forms of spinal arthritis.)

While all that is indeed quite awesome, the MRI's shed some light on something that until now, I had only known by the burning pain in the mid-spine which, as the day goes by branches out into many other joints, large and small, taking my chi with it and rendering me most days, firmly on the heating pad in bed by 7pm.

Now it's visible.

Basically, inflammation in thoracic and lumbar areas and lumbar disc degeneration was the MRI verdict, ruling out Ankylosing Spondylitis.

So--if I don't have AS, like the bone specialist says, why the daily grind?  And these long and weird-ass weeks when things for some reason amplify into even more intense spine pain, often femur aches, sciatic-like thigh-twangs and pelvic pain and increased aches in many other joints--often with all that, scream-out-loud Crohn's-like problems and strange bouts of extreme weakness, resulting in even more fatigue than usual.

But never any redness nor swelling in said joints.

In those times, the mini-dose of tramadol I can handle barely touches it.

I still wonder if I'm just at an early stage of that condition, (or some yet unamed similar one?)--as I have so many symtoms that line-up with it; the mid-day start to daily spine pain, which is now in to year-three, the cyclic IBD-ish problems, skin issues too.

My last meeting with the specialist ended with a frustrating medi-talk version of basically, I don't know, with him asking me to keep in touch and directing me back to the doc who sent me to him in the first place.

*dead air*

*some swearing followed by sighs*

*later, renewed meditation habits*

So, to sum up, after all the poking, scans and dipsticks, I still don't know the cause of these quality-of-life-threatening pains and problems--which since off prednisone have only increased.

And I must confess, this has all been a bit of a blow to my hope-resovoirs as frankly, I reeeeeally thought that by now, after the regular whining to any docs that listened about the back probs--that I would be finally be looking at some kinda treatment, but naaaay.

I also thought, that after all the chemo, prednisone, Rituximab and now near 6 months off pred, that I'd be feeling somewhat better by now, but nay too.

The bone doc did say that he would be consulting with my Prof again about everything and I will write the Prof soon to see what fruits may have sprouted from that.

For those wondering, due to these kidneys, my pain-managment options are few as the usual treatments, (anti-inflammatories) are off the table and I can only take small doses of opioids/ates due to allergy.

I asked the bone doc about acupunture and he referred me to an apparently tres tenacious specialist who is, very interested in pain.

Well, I've got a nice buffet for her waiting.

Appointment in a couple weeks.

And maybe she'll be able to help with these brain-melting migraines too, which also have been increasing since off pred.  Had one last night in fact and thankfully was up to pee and awake long enough to feel it bearing down hard.  I took a triptan soon enough to get away with only puking a couple hellish times before reaching the safety of sleep again after two+ hours in the melon-vice.

The bone doc and I also talked about gluten and he mentioned how a number of his patients have reported less pain on a gluten-free regime.

Even though I tested negative for Celiac's, I am seriously thinking about doing 3 months gluten-free as these flares usually happen every two months-ish, so if I don't have one while gluten-free, I will likely stay that way at least for another hopefully, telling and less-pained three months.

And I must say, even though we're still in the dark, I'm damned glad to at least not be looking at even more immune-system-smashing toxic treatments.

And so grateful that they found nothing life-threatening.

On another + note: even though this summer has been extra painful,  I still managed to redo another vault-song through it all, which is now ready to mix.

Annnnd, I am just about finished a new acrylic painting too.  I'll be sharing those soon, methinks.

I wonder, what would Dr. House do?

Funny, I joked a bit with the bone doc about that and he said, "The Professor IS Dr. House", and went on about his many paradigm-shifting Vasculitis research and accolades.

All digits crossed for a Housean-moment soon.

Oh and, if there's any medi-mages out there reading this going, "AHA!!!", please do drop me a line.

++++vibes,

J

14 X-rays Later...

Good Morning, All,

I'm up kinda early due to crashing early and hard, thanks to a chill pill, AC and a good dose of radiation yesterday.

14.  Not a number I like, x-ray-wise but at least something is now finally being done about this daily spine pain.

In France, when you have scans done, there is always an attendening physician who will review the results with you and give you a report and mine--isn't the greatest.

Disc degeneration in many areas, in a nut shell.   The word spondilytis, (basically arthritis of the spine, which often wreaks havoc in the internal organs, especially the intestinal area, and other joints as well,) was used too.  As was the term "minigeodes", which are, as I understand it, basically cysts.  Those were in the right hip area if I got that right.

And all this was preceded by my learning of yet  a new low in the kidney filtration rate, now down to 31.  (Last testing was 35.)

At one point over this long treatment course, it got up to 41.

The CRP (measurement of inflammation), is up from its usual level again and the lymphocytes are down.  Neither a good thing.

I will be seeing the new bone rheumy who prescribed these many blood tests and xrays on Sept. 19 and right now I'm just hugging the goodness of the many negatives in those recent results.  No Celiac's, no recent heart attack, thyroid normal, no Lupus, no Diabetes, no Sjrogen's...

Soon, another ANCA test, (the test that measures the MPA activity) and in a couple weeks, an app with the nephrologist as well.

No art or music to share with vous on this post, just this step towards a possible diagnosis for the daily dose of draining pain and with it, soon I hope, some very specific physio to lessen it all.

I will share this here photo, which is another cool treatment done with an ap called "Prisma", I've been quite enjoying it lately.

And coming soon, a new tune!  This one is a redo of another vault song of mine from 2000 which, IMNSHO, turned out pretty alright and is now waiting on Master P for the final mix.

I'm also in the midst of another redo these days, a painting.  Now that I have acrylics again, I'm doing, "Dream Squatting",  once more, to make it finally shine like it did in the dream it came from.

As soon as this French-fried heat wave is over, I'll be able to resume work on that too.

Now, time to feed this hungry hippo here who is most politely and repeatedly directing my attention to the fooooooood room, heheh...

Sweet ole Tony is doing great these days and that's a beautiful thing.

Time for some weekend QT with P to start, which will include a trip to the organic store for treats and non-meat sourced protein in hopes of increasing that GFR.

For the last year I've been eating more fish more often, as well as chicken periodically (when necessary), and while it's likely helped me regain some lost muscle from the prednisone years, perhaps it has something to do with the kidneys waning.

More to discuss with the Neph...

J out, avec +++vibes

Typed too soon...

So yeah, so much for the time off pred and lesser migraines jazz.

Last night at 1am, I was head-smashed and viced into a more typical J-migraine, which is to say, excrutiatingly frightening.

Twice during the pain marathon, P wanted to call an ambulance but I protested, remembering the last time I hit the ER for migraines, which was basically just an added layer of hell to the swelling brain cake.  And while inside a crash-banging MRI too.  After a whole day of tests and waiting, they all  showed nada, as per usual.

I violently dragon-puked 6 horrid times last night/this morning and for hours, was reduced to a panting, palpatating mass thanks in part, to my executive decision yesterday to take a second tramadol when the first ran out.

This is bad because the triptans I take for migraines are contra-indicated with tramadol, (risk of seratonin toxicity), so when the head-hammer came down, I couldn't take the migraine meds and had to ride it out with mere icepacks and tears until morning, when the tram was surely outta my system.

I cannot express the sheer joy of being free of that hell at this moment.  I'm dopey and weak and my words are jumbly, and this has taken me near two hours to write, but, I'm blissful.

Probably because that level of extreme pain, (nevermind the rapid heartbeat and shaking, etc.), can only mean imminent death to our struggling lizard brains while it's happening.

When it all finally stops, it's almost like cheating death somehow.

Today, P contacted a big migraine center in Paris, as it's high time I had this looked into by the most expert eyes around.

So boom, just didn't want to leave any false hope for the ones still on prednisone, who let me know how encouraging the previous post was.

To add to the bliss of the storm being over, here is a  birthday flower-avec-feet photo I photoshopped up yesterday which turned out nice.

The bouquet is from P and it smells wonderful.

The orchid is from a Dutchy friend here in town, whom I enjoyed lunch with yesterday, along with her pleasant pal from Germany.

Hard to believe, but that was my first girly-lunch date here in over three years.

Helluva good start to a new year, I'd say--aside from the brain blowout later--which I'm choosing to not include in my birthday opening ceremonies RAM.

Now, time to enjoy some of the belle day here.

++++vibes,

: J

Five Sweet Thangs

G'Day, Readers,

This is a birthday/update post to share some good things I've happily been experiencing since reaching 0 mgs of prednisone back in February.

1. Over the last month+,  I've been having a few better days, days with just a smidge more chi and a slightly lower pain floor in ye ole joints.

2. I have also noticed, that while I am still dealing with regular migraines, the ones I've had lately are like kittens compared to the raging lions they have been for way too long.  So glad to share that during the last 3 migraines, I have NOT puked like a dragon repeatedly!  In fact, during one of these recent attacks, I was actually able to be upright and even managed to ride that one out SANS-migraine meds, (triptans).

WOW.

YAY.

3. More promising news: I recently had a routine eye exam and was tickled to see that my myopic prescription is now back down to what is was pre-chemo/pred, etc!  The preceding check-up was done while still on pred and at that time, the correction had increased significantly.

4. Also in the prednisone-recovery dept: over this past month and-a-half, I have delighted in seeing a marked increase my stress-handling chops.

No more shaking/shuddering when upset, (which was disturbing until itself, lemme tell ya's), no more BP spikes and being bowled over by the smallest things and instead-- now a LOT more lovely ole me.

Yyyyyyyup, I do believe that my adrenal glands are much closer to online than they have been for too many years.

And #5?  I noticed this yesterday, Juan Day at a Time now has over 40,000 hits!

Thanks to everyone out there who takes the time to read it, with high-five's to all who leave comments and send me messages.  They're much appreciated.  As are the new friends I have made since creating it.

Makes me all the more glad to have not chosen to delete it last year while in the throws of another mojo-mashing round of prednisone withdrawl.

I hope this post gives anyone out there currently dealing with that monster of a drug, a good dose of hope for the future.

Getting off and over long-term prednisone use takes not only gob-smacking amounts of time, but full-tilt tenacity and when that runs low, sometimes, more chemistry.  Bromazepan was what my docs offered when things got just way too dark and thanks to it, I managed to reach precious sleep many dark nights when anxiety blew those z's outta the water.

Sleep is everything.

I'll close with noting also, how more than one specialist over these treatment years has suggested cannabis--for not only the physical pains, but the soul type, too.

It is a cruel and crying shame that medical cannabis is STILL illegal in way too many lands.

Now, back to my birthday boingin', which already started by singing and dancing with Tony to some classic 80's Toronto rock while the mornin' joe perked.

+++vibes+++,

: J

Canadian in Distress

I am so Canadian.

So I had a bit of a long mornski, starting with waiting outside in the cold wind for quite a spell--for a cab that never came.

For a while that is.

Today was my bi-annual rheumy app for the MPA and while that itself is usually quite agreeable, the cabs to and fro were delayed considerably, due to not only strikes again in Paris, but the Seinne's belly about to burst.

I should have of course, ordered the cab ridiculously early but living and learning.  It's not every day there are biblical floods across France and whoa.

So yeah, the day was long, but the app was damned inspiring:

The good prof showed me some of his research from the first MAINRITSAN trial, (and a-b armed trial of Rituximab vs Azathioprine for maintenance therapy, post-remission).

Rituximab came out the winner and yay for me to have had that very therapy--still effective over a year post last infusion.

An even bigger yay was seeing on an actual research chart, how the type of ANCA Vasculitis I have, (MPO+ for those in the know), is the type that relapses LEAST.

In fact, my numbers are EXACTLY what they were while in treatment.

Tres TRES. TRES. COULE.

EDIT: It must be well-noted that while my numbers are all lovely, there are some Vasci-docs who basically disregard them.  The reason?  Well, I'll just share a slice of my Q&A time with the Prof to illustrate:

ME: Do you see patients who flare even while in medical remission?

PROF:  Yes.

Why I'm still in a world of daily pain is still a mystery, and I'm about to get on board with another specialist, a bone-rheumy whom the professor himself recommended and looking FORWARD.

Sidebar: Re: switching BP meds to Losartan would be a waste, as the Prof said the improvement in uric acid levels would likely only be incremental.  And I'm not keen to rock the stable-boat.

He also said my uric acid levels were not alarming enough to medicate yet.

K.

So yeah, these here golden-delicious-berry and oat flour darlings--panned up using REAL butter for once, dammit, (cut with EVOO); they  were required today, as I was pretty ragged by the time I got home----------this afternoon-------------from the early morning appointment.

Then I pushed it post-painkiller on a low-chi walk with Mr. Pully Pants here to the river, as I really wanted to get a gander at the bulging banks and------whoa, painkiller well spent, sadly.

May the sun come to La France SOON.

Feeling fairly fatigued and as said, distressed even--no doubt in relation to all the cold rain and grey for so long now, coupled with today's activities, it's easy to see how WELL those mofo'n
pancakes went down.

The French like to laugh about Canadians and pancakes but to that I say:

Crispy, crumbly, buttery edges, so moist and densely cakey inside-- a big cherry with each bite exploding sweet, sassy tartness into the maple syrupy 'n honeyed-up heaven.

*mmgulllllllp*

I won't be hungry 'til tomorrow for SURE.

I didn't measure anything but for those who also eyeball, here's the recipe:

~1& 1/3 cup organic oat flour, (I haven't used wheat flour since trying it.  It simply ROCKS.)
Maybe 10 grains of fleur du sel, (sea salt), mortor'd.  (I usually skip the salt but wth, the 'lytes were good last testing.)
Small pinch of backing soda.
Couple tablespoons of ground flax seeds.

~1/2 cup milk (I used real for the first time ever, organic, (I usually use oat milk etc.)
1 egg

^^Shaken to a froth together and then whisked into the dry ingredients.

Berries, cherries.   (Walnuts?  Chocolate chips?)

Makes two biggn's.

Now, it's time for me to get horizontal for a good while/rest of the day.

Bon ap and weekend, All,

A Canadian, far from distress,

; J

What's the Meming of This?

Allo again, All,

Been at the drawing/graphic board again, this time, for a cause.  One that needs to be addressed the world over--SOME countries more than others, eyeball roll.

Here they are, enjoy...

Make Your Own Font

G'Day, Readers,

Writing today to share a link to a fab site that transforms one's own handwriting into one's very own font!

This is something I've been wanting to do for many a yonk and now, it's do-able with ease and for free.

I ended up creating only printed fonts, as getting my cursive letters to link up properly was a bit of a challenge, so I aborted.  Plus, I never write in cursive anyway so...

Perhaps the more tenacious ones out there will have better luck/skillz with the actual writing.

Here's the font-makin' link for the keen:  http://www.myscriptfont.com/

In other news, the latest kidney test results are in and I'll sum it up with the number 35.

Yup, the ole GFR is down to 35 again.  A number not seen since the chemo days/ze.

I recall the outright joy I felt to see it finally get up to that number, as it meant I was no longer in stage 4 of 5 on the renal damage scale.  To see it there again now, (after it being above 40 at one point), is something that I hope HARD will soon trend back up to its former glory.

I have been eating more fish and cheese over this past year and perhaps it's time to lean more on the legumes again?

I will also share that the uric acid is once again, WAY too elevated, (after going down some for a while, though still above max), and that too, is un-nerving.

Reason being, high uric acid levels/gout is linked to early death via adverse cardiac events--even in the healthy-eating/non-boozing/non-smoking groups.

(Click to check out an interview with a doc discussing his studies on gout.)

So of course, I've been back in research-mode again and I have recently come across a *potential* fix, in the form of a different BP med--an ARB called Losarten, which also helps reduce proteinuria, just like the ACE Inhibitor I'm on, (Ramipril).

What makes Losartan worth talking about with the Neph and Rheumy is that apparently, it also helps the body excrete more uric acid.

I will be discussing this and much more with the dear ole Prof next week.

'Til next time, "write on",

; J

#Oldisthenewblack

Gooooooooood Morning, All,

Writing today mostly to share some recent visual art, this time a return to acrylics after more than a decade off that horse.

This piece was inspired by a photo P took near the river last summer and in these particular times of so many hippy/activist-types movin' on into their golden years, turns out it's a pretty hip painting.

Just last week, P showed me a meme of an elderly person sporting a black T-shirt with big white letters boldly stating, "Old is the New Black".

But my chosen subject matter is a total coincidence, I just loved the photo and memory.

I call this one, "The Gang Gets--Their Bench".

It's a bit of a French-English pun, as the photo was taken at a "guingette", (pronounced, "gang get"), meaning, basically, a riverside cafe that also has live entertainment on the weekends.

In other less colorful news, I am not pleased to share that since reaching 0 megs of prednisone in February, I have been struggling with increased joint pain from my fingers to my toes, along with still,  random and repeating lightening bolts of harsh pain all over too--which I REALLY hoped would do a fade out as my body adjusted to being off the dreadnisone, mais non. 

I will be seeing my Rheumy-Professor in early June to talk about what I feared a long time ago, and that is, the distinct possibility that all the prednisone I have been on for the last three years has been masking yet another condition, which now that I'm off the stuff is rearing again.

Or these pains could just be due to damages from the MPA.

Or perhaaaaaaps, the pains are all just due to osteoarthritis, which came on the scene in '06/07. 

X-rays then showed: a lumbar disc already almost gone, deterioration between C4-7 with a reverse-angle in the neck thanks to more than 8 seconds as a rodeo-rag doll impersonator back in the day, as well an MRI that showed right knee deterioration.

And still, I try to manage this, by the day's end, usually crippling pain with merely nearly-useless paracetamol, (Tylenol), and off and on, low-dose Tramadol.

Due to an opiate/oid allergy and the kidneys, my pain management choices are minimal.

It will be JUAN FINE DAY when ole France finally gets on board the medical cannabis train.   But that's a subject for an entirely new blog post.

And even though I thought that by now, THREE years post-acute renal failure and after thousands of milligrams of prednisone, multiple rounds of chemo AND Rituximab, things would be different--I am still basically 90 years old and in the sack by 7 or 8pm nightly.

On the upside, I recently had blood work done, (MPA control, not kidney), and amazingly, almost all the values were in normal range!  (Total cholesterol was a hair over the line, but not the LDL nor the triglycerides and yay).

ANCA is still 1:20 (negative being under that), but with near-non-existent MP0/PR3 levels, coupled with the stable kidneys, it all adds up to my being considered still, in medical remission from Vasculitis and yay again for that.

And more high-fives to healthy eating.

And this week, the ole beans will be tested too, so toes-crossed for continued stability there.

'Til next time, likely post-Rheumy-visit, bon vibes to All,

J

Purple Petals

G'Day, All,

This morning, while out walking T with the huge harmonies of Prince's, "7" floating above the heaviness of his passing, a massive, booming sound faded into my thoughts and brought me back to the walk.

I looked up to see a youngish grandma-type across the street walking with a stroller, brow furrowed slightly into the hazy sun--somehow surrounded by enough decibels to impersonate a distant tornado.

For a spit second, my amused brain bought that it was she and her wee stroller making the thunderous rumble, her scrunched-up brow now looking more like a seasoned Walmart warrior's behind a loaded cart.

I actually laughed out loud, when from behind the hedge she was flanking, emerged a building super, pushing a large, empty plastic trash bin.

Still grinning, I thought, perhaps Prince woulda dug that too...

I took notice of so many purple flowers today.

 Rest in peace and play, Prince and thanks for every perfect note.

+++vibes to all left longing,

J

A Free Bee

G'Day, Readers, 

So yesterday, with the weather finally warming up around here, I decided to spring clean our lovely sun room.

After a winter on its own, it had gotten pretty--not pretty.

I dusted and windex'd everything, stripped the couch of it's cover and washed that and then began the mega-sweep, which of course meant loads of bug cadavers and jurassic-sized dust bunnies along with the usual mud clumps and foliage courtesy of our friendly neighborhood Labrador-man.

In mid-sweep, I noticed that amongst the many casualties of winter, there was a live one.  A wee bee that was fighting with the fuzz, struggling to free himself.

I had sent him on quite a tumble with the sweeping but when I noticed how very much alive the lil guy was, I started sweeping in a wide berth, niiiiiice and slow in his vicinity.  

I went in to prepare a soapy bucket and when I returned, he had managed to clean himself off and was slowly heading for the sliding door.  I left him be, haha, and started mopping at the other end.

Upon returning from a bucket-change, I couldn't see him anymore, so I inspected further and saw him trapped in the grate of the sliding doors, now covered again in debris and having a helluva time trying to pull himself out.

I tried putting the broom bristles near him so he might grab on for me to lift him to safety, but he was having none of it, preferring to struggle and get nowhere.

So I figured I needed to win more of his trust and placed the broom head further away from him, holding it perfectly still, then moved it even further, trying to convey zero-threat.


At that point, he was either just resting or perhaps also contemplating the situation and stopped fussing about, so I slowly moved the broom closer, but he still wasn't going for it.

So again, I moved the broom farther from him and left it like that for a bit.

 He was wiggling only a little now and then, so I moved the broom maybe a few cm's from his fuzzy bee body and it was then that my heart rather lept to see him crawling TOWARDS the broom.

He crawled right under it, so I gingerly lifted it and to my utter delight, HE WAS HANGING ON!

Up he went with the broom and out the window onto the lavender plant outside, where he sat, re-cleaning himself and looking pretty bee-zen.

The whole  exchange left my heart humming, so touched by this small creature's intelligence, tenacity, patience and dare I say, trust.  A trust that is even more impressive considering that our whole interaction started with me basically, attacking the lil guy.

Bravo, wee, free bee.

++++Spring vibes,

: J

The bee pic here is a still from a kid-video of mine called, "A Small Bee", you can check it out here.

"A Sunny Day"

Good Morning,

This post is to share yet another new music production with vous:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ln08E3G8Q4M

I'm still regularly blown away with the mojo-massage that is just being up to the task of serious sessions again.  Even mentally, I am seeing that all is well in the attic as I created this new song while learning (some of) the ropes of a new (to me ; ), professional music production software.

Since letting this new track outta the corral, some lovely people have been asking if I've been feeling better--a natural assumption when taking in the energy of this last one.

The short answer is for now, no.

But at the same time, I'd say there is some tres coule bio-chemistry going on.

I did the bulk of the recording for A Sunny Day last month, after most of the adjusting to 1mg of prednisone was over--and of course, usually in the mornings.

Then came the final taper to zero.

*dead air*

I must say, it got pretty bummed here for a while and I'm am still finding 0mgs a monumental challenge.  Challenge being, more pain in even more places than I've become accustomed to.  Creaky, puffed-up pain that's way more on than off.  Like my spine is too big for its column.  My brain too big for my skull.

I wish I could just take tramadol every day but for various reasons that's not an option.  One being it's been causing more of an allergic reaction than usual lately--making me Itchy McScratchy well into the night.  This of course messes with the precious z's even more than the traveling hot-flash gong show and actual pissing contest I've been in nightly since the renal failure. 

(If anyone sees my deep sleep out there, send it back home please.)

So with great thanks again to P, the mixing phase of A Sunny Day was done all in short sessions over these last few weekends, with his hands on the virtual mixing board and me flat on the floor (safer from gravity), where I voiced my (seemingly? ; ), endless tweak requests as producer.

I wrote this wee love-jam back in '02, before P and had even met and it's tres close to my heart. ("Kokoro", in the lyrics, means "heart" in Japanese.)  To set it free after over a decade in the vaults is some serious medicine.

A strange kind of convalescence-medicine, as I had to be recovered to a certain point before I was even able to make/receive it.

Needs me s'more!

Hope it taps your toes.

++++vibes,

J

Well, that was---

Just about as crappy as I thought it would be!

Hello again, Readers,

I was hoping that (against all precedent), this last wean to zero mgs of pred would somehow be a non-issue, but naaay, it was pretty tough, especially on the ole noggin due to even more migraines than before.
I lost a bit of weight, as is the tapering tradition and basically just head/heart-butted my way through the blackish blues that for me at least, have been a huge part of tapering from 10 mgs down.

But as of the last couple of days, I am smiling again and for that I am so grateful.

I am also not dealing with constant headaches, interrupted by migraines, which alone is a reason to smile madly like the Joker.

What has also helped me immensely during this final phase of weaning has been my recent return to music production and the other day, I shared a new track, which I share here too as it's yet another testament to blessed recovery.

This one is a ballad, written some years ago with Bob Boisadan, the other half of our duo "Dragon & Rosebud".

I recently began working on yet another snappy vault tune of mine, pretty wild-horsey-ish and I'm looking TRES forward to letting it outta the corral.

Now, as the day is a perfect blue and sunny one, I shall head out into it for a long and FINALLY re-energized walk in the park with my Tone-Bone here.

With +++vibes and a smile again,

J




PS:  THIS goodness:
Yahoo for me and Grampa-T, as we haven't hoofed it the long way 'round my favo park in--I think probably close to a year due to the place under major and wildly loud construction.

And on a helluva a perfect crisp wintery French day, too.  

Sometimes I quite like this country.

Cherry: I got home and tested the BP, (which I admit to not doing for quite a while for some reason), and it was a delightful 117/69@60bpm.